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I do not know

I always thought that I was still the child who could sit quietly by the stream listening to the sound of petals falling into the water and blooming water. I could break the cup in my heart and crush the sadness in my heart, and then slowly digest it, the dim youth in the rain. I once hoped that I could have a world of ivory pagoda, but I didn’t have the time and freedom to write those lost months and years that should belong to me, I hope that I can find true love in the flowing water, but after I find it, I find that I like the sense of loss that I can’t get, it was the yearning and bitter thoughts in the diary that let me record, the hysterical holding hands in the dream and the inexplicable laughter in the dormitory door and the teaching building after waking up, the faint sentence is the feeling of believing, and the dejection of believing in the existence of the heart. But now, the left side is in a mess, and the right side is in a mess. I really cherish those faded back, love them very much, and hate them very reluctantly. I can only say that I dare not love you any more. Even if I love you, I can no longer feel physically and mentally exhausted in the nightmare filled by you. I want to have my own life, my own family, I can’t neglect another existence because of your own career and so many things, even though in my heart I wish you would always be the center of my life, I will betray my promise to myself about you. I can’t give my whole life just to laugh at you, even if it is my favorite scenery. I felt particularly uncomfortable one night, because when I thought I could pursue my isolation from your life after you forgot all about it, I noticed that my mobile phone screensaver was still the familiar smiling face, and my books were covered with familiar names which could not be familiar any more, the first number in my cellphone book was still the nickname that was called for one thousand thousand times, and the name that made me cry and laugh most frequently appeared in my diary, I heard my heart beating feebly. Therefore, the one who changed accounts and added friends didn’t care about himself who actually cared too much about others, and the one who called the number again and again because the signal was not good and worried about thousands of himself, the self who told her that I didn’t care really didn’t matter, and the infatuated seemingly cynical pretending self suddenly came to the surface. The school grass covered with clover will bring good luck to people. Looking for and seeking for four-leaf clover she decorated the four-leaf clover carefully with transparent tape and hoped that the green would last forever, but last time she came back home, she saw it with tears and smiles. However, the elves have turned yellow a lot. But now what about the four-leaf clover? The yellow blessing? Can the friendship grass left in a corner of the diary turn green?

[Editor in charge: Man Tree]

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