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Meditation

[Introduction] as for feelings, I am undoubtedly a loser. I am too addicted to the past and paranoid about my ideals. I am too dull and silent, especially because I attach too much importance to responsibilities and worry a lot, these various reasons make me often hold back.

When the car galloped on the Chengdu Plain, my heart began to wander again. The gloomy sky was drizzling, and the shallow outline of the house was drawn in the distance. The sky in the basin was always like this, I don’t like the gloomy sky, the blurred scenery and even the faint obscurity in the air. The same hazy, but without the light spirit of the morning fog in the mountains, the morning fog is erratic but there are thousands of changes. And have seen sun sets, afterglow Zhaoying between heaven and earth, Qianshan Evening Mist, wild birds to forests. Compared with the darkness of the sky in the basin and the fog in the mountains, only the Twilight has the most heavy sense of time and space, just like people who travel far away and think about their homeland, which can best embody a kind of desolation and tranquility color, especially attract people’s imagination; another example is that the ancient city of Saibei sits towards the south, which has its own calmness and atmosphere. I tried to sit and watch the dusk, the layers and mountains overlapping and looming so that they disappeared. I stared at them. It seemed that there were too many stories in the twilight, including the lost childhood, the past, and the joys and sorrows of the world. In the intoxication, I only feel that the time is long and the world is long, and time is just a muddle. It doesn’t matter if winter comes and spring comes, and the cold and summer change. In Japanese traditional literature, things are interlinked with each other, and things are sad, mysterious and elegant, among which things are sad and sympathetic, which are used to shape the deep and slender unique aesthetic feeling in literary works. I am calm and not fond of flashy, and I often read Japanese works by Yasuji Kawabata. Influenced by Japanese traditional literature, my feelings of happiness and anger are easy to follow foreign objects. Therefore, some people may regard me as pessimistic and grumpy, in fact, it is not because although there is sadness in the mourning, there is no sadness and rage. For example, natural phenomena such as faded flowers and residual red flowers, falling autumn leaves and falling grass are often easy to grasp the weakest part in people’s hearts, which makes people think and feel, however, this thought and feeling does not necessarily represent pessimism about the world. Moreover, every time I encounter setbacks or difficulties, I never feel fear and always face difficulties. Therefore, although I am dull, I can still stumble forward. As for emotion, I was undoubtedly a loser. I was too addicted to the past and paranoid about my ideal. I was so stubborn that I paid too much attention to responsibility that I was worried. These various reasons made me always stop. In fact, I am not afraid of losing or taking responsibility. I just don’t want to pursue too blindly before myself or the other party is ready, because blindness often means harm. As for now, it seems that I am just used to waiting. After waiting for yesterday, today, and maybe tomorrow, I will find a place to sit down alone every other time, examine your heart carefully, look through those ugly or beautiful worries, and try to sort out some clues for your life. Walking in the world, we are often fascinated by flashy eyes and ignore the existence of ourselves. We need to find a place to place our lonely soul in this complicated situation. People who cultivate Immortals and practice Taoism re-practice and are good at enlightenment, but I only have reference but no enlightenment, so I can’t understand life. Suddenly I woke up with a start, looking through what I had written on that day, it seemed that I had something to say, but I also heard someone whispering downstairs, whose voice was so clear that I could not tell the sorrow and happiness, while all the people in the same room were asleep, fang Jue night is already deep. The night is really deep! 2010.3.29

[Editor in charge: Ke Er]

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