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[Editor’s note]: life is full of hardships. Maybe some sentimental feelings can be seen from the author’s words, but to truly face life, one must have the courage to fight against dissatisfaction.

I really want to die. I tried my best to cut a place called artery slowly with a sharp razor. The sweet and thick blood flowed slowly along the fingers, just like the replay of Lu Xiaoman turning around in the street of old Shanghai in cheongsam. I really want to die. Before I die, I open a bottle of fragrant red wine and taste the bitterness of the red blood slowly fermenting in my throat quietly, which makes my tears boil, makes my emotions burst freely, and makes my mind nowhere to hide, just like the aged red wine was pulled out of the Cork, with a slight aroma of wine and the smell of oak barrels floating in the air. If you really want to die, you can avoid many troubles and let the tireless machine know what rest is. Working day and night is just in exchange for food and clothing, as well as tiredness in your eyes. Besides sleeping, I just work every day, forgetting the beauty of nature and the beauty when flowers bloom. The scenery that I was once obsessed with Becomes a dusty memory. If you really want to die, you can make your heart no longer impetuous. The unrestrained and unrestrained mind makes cells explode, nerves collapse, life become confused, the world become dim, and life become boring, make yourself gloomy, make your mind panic, and make time boring. I really want to die, the desire of this world is too big, my heart is too small, I can’t hold too much dust, I can’t swing too much dust, but I am still like a floating cloud in the world, my heart only contains the happiness of Qingquan, the sad love songs telling in a low voice, the ancient classics sung from time to time, the long history recalling day by day, why on earth do people live, what is the purpose of living on Earth? These old questions are tangled day by day, rushing into my fragile tears. Maybe only when I feel pain to the extreme can I understand the meaning of living, perhaps the original intention of living can only be realized after being hurt to despair. A person’s beauty may only be appreciated at night, a person’s happiness may only be known at night, a person’s suffering at night can only feel distressed at night, and a person’s world can only be understood at night. If you really want to die, you can dance as much as you like, dance clothes are dancing, the style is arbitrary, elegant and refined, and then turn around gently and slowly to welcome another beauty, the wind messed up my three thousand blue silk but still couldn’t wipe away the crumbling tears in my eyes. What made it deeply hidden in the hole of emotion, and I still didn’t forget the sad breath when I was happy. I really want to die. Under the starry sky of the Earth, I lay quietly on the green grass, listening to the breath of the Earth and feeling the pulse of the Earth. The wind gently brushed my whole body, the Willow touched my cheek gently, making it shy. The unknown yellow flower sent a wisp of dark fragrance, which was refreshing and penetrating into my heart. The cool feeling spread all over my body, the full stars twinkled and resplendent in the starry sky, then turned into meteors and flew across the sky to another heaven. The lonely star in the distance quietly told the ancient desolation, and the sadness in the heart was inevitably melancholy. If you really want to die, record your own bit by bit with sharp writing, let the tears flow to your heart, let the emotion become more and more abundant, let the writing be more and more brilliant, and let life have hope. Listen to the inheritance of The Peony Pavilion, taste the charm of the four famous embroideries, sing the whispers of all things, hear the vicissitudes of the world, and learn how to be a person. Life is still going on, and life is still lurking. Give Your Heart a place, give your body a vent, liberate your mind, give yourself an exit, and give each other an ending. If you really want to die, send you a long journey with a heartbreaking smile, and say in your heart that you are not betrayed or cheated, but just leave, go far away, and wait quietly at a corner in the future, waiting for each other’s return. Understand with painful despair that you have already left and I don’t love you. Then walk away quietly. I will live better without you, because I don’t allow myself to be decadent because of this, because people who love me won’t bear hurting me, and those who don’t love me don’t deserve my sadness. Only those who really love me can understand my tears, but those who really love me are not willing to let me cry for him. If you really want to die, you can fool around and ask you to hug, and then eat sweet and sour sugar-coated haws with a happy smile. Only you can see my beauty, only you say I am your pride, you say to me, I am your happiest suffering, stay together until you get old, you say I am your baby, pour out carefully in my ear every day: baby, did I tell you that I love you today. I said: No. You said to me gently: Baby, You are my happiest distress. Wake up with tears glittering and translucent, Baby Bear’s cleverness. If you really want to die, you can run happily, live naturally, think simply, live simply and eat naturally, all of which are the beauty we once dreamed, but now they run away desperately in the sharp west wind. Those broken kites are just like the last belonging of you and me. Every time they see them, they can’t help crying and then crying wildly. I really want to die, just to be able to grow old with you. Those past years are like a long history, playing back the beauty I once had quietly on TV, tolerate your nonsense with fulfillment, tolerate your wayward running with tolerance, forgive your crying with waiting, and warm each other with embrace. I really want to die, but actually I don’t want to escape at all. I just want to live an ordinary life, just want to have a plain and calm life, just want to live a simple life, just want to live a very old life, the old teeth fell off, holding your hand, watching the beauty of the sunset. Let dreams grow wings, accompany me to sleep soundly, sing happy songs, sing poetic smiles, write down the distress of life, ignore the fickleness of the world of mortals, and live a happy life.

[Editor in charge: Man Tree]

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