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Look Back

[Introduction] After experiencing hardships and hardships, we finally lived happily together. We are not Prince Charming, Snow White, but poor, happy and leisurely living. Everyone will recall the past, even if it is unbearable. I was born in Jiangchuan, a land of fish and rice in Yuxi. The impression of Jiangchuan is that there are several fishing sails in the two pools of Lijiashan. I was born in the early 1970 s. At that time, China was not as prosperous as it is now. It was said that it was a mess. It would be a mess. Anyway, I was nothing at that time. The young father heard that his child was a woman, threw a kite under the bed to his wife and left angrily. As expected, this Kite had lived under the dark bed for many years, never stretched, never fluttered its wings and flew high in the sky. I am 3 years old and have a younger brother. 5 years old, learning Arabic numerals. At the age of 6, I was in the first grade of primary school and began to watch Strange Tales from a lonely studio, Grimm’s fairy tales and One Thousand and One Night. When I was 7 or 8 years old, I found that my mother was with other men. What this mother’s daughter could do was to cry silently in countless nights biting the quilt horn! At the age of 9 or 10, what I saw was “Wuzhishan myth” and “ancient Chinese myth”. At the age of 11, my parents divorced not because my mother had an affair, but because my father was a worker, mom was a farmer. From then on, the sky fell down, and the flowers went to hit my horn. At the age of 12, under the help of my father, the stupid child who even failed the exam suddenly entered the No. 1 Middle School of the county. He lived alone without his mother, carrying the reputation of a back door student. He was in junior high school for three years, I almost walked over with my head down, reading the book “Young literature”, and worshiping the Liberation Army on the front line of Laoshan. At that time, China was in a hot war with Vietnam, I will send some stamps and books to the PLA, quietly dreaming of marrying the PLA. 13 years old, menarche. 14 years old, 1000 long-distance race, dizzy on the playground. At the age of 15, I didn’t go to any school after graduating from junior high school. I changed to another school and started from grade two, which was unexpectedly among the best. At the age of 16, he published several articles in a local publication named Hsing Yun newspaper in Jiangchuan. At the age of 17, I fell in love with a boy in the back row of my class, Mr. L. After that, I communicated with him for several years until he graduated from college and brought back a beautiful girl, I think that must be his favorite. The relationship between him and me ended with a dragon and phoenix flute he gave me. At the age of 18, I still haven’t been admitted to any school, because my heart is in Mr. L’s place. Of course, people who have no heart won’t be among the top. For other reasons, I think it is also because I have a serious illness, functional uterine bleeding. 19, first kiss, the other is my cousin who is one year younger than me. At the age of 20, 21 and 22, I dropped out of school and worked. In a township enterprise, I read more books during this period, because the culture in the township opened a library, modern literature, I am not short of books to read Western literature and art, Scar literature, old Russian literature, classical literature, world famous works, maritime literature and jungle literature. I remember that I was almost raped when I finished watching the first episode of Lu Yao’s “Ordinary World” and went to change the next episode. It was a season when the field was full of rapeseed flowers. In order to catch a short distance, the little girl who borrowed books walked a path with sheep intestines. The little girl wore a bright red coat, walking on the side of the river happily and lightly, I also noticed a man walking on the other side of the river. When the path was approaching the main road, that man came from the other side of the river, after a while, I came behind me quickly, He walked faster than me, so I should have let him go first, so I leaned to let him, how could he press me into a small ditch on the ground from behind, with his hands, then he stretched over, facing the sudden changes, this brave little girl didn’t know where the strength came from, shouting at the same time. Later I recalled that I had been shouting all the time, it was about “saving the life”, while hitting him on the head with Lu Yao’s “Ordinary World”. This thrilling scene was less than a minute. Somehow, that hateful man suddenly got up and hurried away, the frightened girl in red was covered with mud. She also stood up quickly and stumbled. She cried and ran to the direction of home with a high foot and a low foot. She came home and locked herself in her room, hiding in the bed, trembling and sobbing! At the age of 23, my colleague introduced my boyfriend Jin to me. He had a blind date. He thought it was okay, so he kept dating. Soon, he found that he was just a hard worker in the decoration industry. So, contact the school for him to finish his major. Three years passed quickly. In December of the following year, he had an induced labor operation, I thought that any kind of pain in the world was not as painful as that time. At that moment, I felt that I had grown up, and any big wind and waves in the future could not let me fall down! At the age of 24, during the rainy season that year, I knew a big secret in my family. My mother was raped by my grandfather when she was very young, it was always like that. My grandpa didn’t stop until he grew up and had menstruation. His dirty eyes were aimed at the second aunt, the third aunt and the fourth aunt. My mother cried and said, “Who else can she tell except me? I know a lot of details. I can’t imagine the dark night, the deserted mountain forest, the deserted temple in the forest, the ravines blocked by tall plants in the field, how did that dirty man attack an unarmed daughter of his own? I extremely despise this old man whom I want to call his grandfather! My mother was very sad when talking about that, but I felt that the things in my stomach were rushing out, so disgusting that I couldn’t eat anything. After my 25th birthday, I also went to Simao to do clothing business under the help of my father. I experienced the pain of losing money and the complacency of making money. That year, my cousin has become a millionaire. His shop is very close to me. The calendar at this moment is 1997. The Internet is quietly rising. I am addicted to alternative literature, Internet novels and Watanabe Junyi, the books I read are White Deer Plain, first intimate contact, Paradise Lost, mantelais lover, love life, Shanghai Baby, sugar and so on. Maybe it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I met a song, a guitar player, who once formed a band, and I fell in love with this person. I fell in love with the faint smell of tobacco on him, and the warm feeling of being distressed and cared for when he walked on the street with my shoulder. Therefore, I gave up my boyfriend Jin who had been in love for four years and followed him without hesitation, letting him feel heartbroken and drunk. I dare not go back to my hometown with the reputation of betraying the judgement. I think such breach of judgement is not only sorry for Jin, but also for all my friends and the whole people of Jiangchuan County! Unconsciously, three years passed again. Three years later, I was 28 years old and found that Asong was a lazy guy. I did a small business and couldn’t support him any more. So, on a night when he was drunk and came back late, I cried and begged him to share. He agreed, so I owed him 6000 yuan. In the same year, my cousin divorced his woman. On the Mid-Autumn Festival, I had the first and only physical relationship with him. During the two years when I published articles in the County newspaper, I was very proud. Being a writer was my dream when I was young. Now, I don’t want to do this dream and read books as hard as my life, it is not only to experience a different life, but also to find a way out for your own feelings and find the same feeling and emotion as yourself. I spent hundreds of times more time than others to find the simplest truth life that should be told to me by the role of father when I was young, it should be like a kite in the sky, free and flying! The man I despised finally committed suicide. He lay on the bed, putting poisonous grains of wheat into his own mouth, and said to his daughter, if she told these shameful things, she would kill her. This man was really cruel. When things happened, he really carried a knife, in a windy and rainy night, the door was smashed like a mad dog. The woman in the door was so scared that she didn’t open the door and survived. I am a fetishism. I love shorts. I have collected more than 200 shorts at most. I think the reason is probably because of the serious illness: uterine bleeding, the gurgling blood flowed out of my lower body, which was unstoppable. I only had three shorts, and I always wore them again and again with blood stains. I didn’t wear them most of the time. There was a thick towel inside. When school came, there was always blood overflowing from the towel. I had to put the belt of my schoolbag long, covering a large piece of blood on my butt, crying and going home. When I grew up, my illness was cured, since then, the problem of fetishism has been left. I am deeply afraid that there are no shorts to wear when I have menstruation, and I can’t even buy beautiful shorts when I see them. Living in a single-parent family, I lacked father’s love since I was young. The man I am looking for is always tall, handsome, bulky, and able to shelter me from the wind and rain. It is the best, it was probably Freud’s Electra complex that could play coquetry in his broad arms. Why did I easily have a relationship with my cousin and forgive myself? I have thought about it. That’s because I love him and myself. He is the style I like, on the bus in Kunming, seeing me so pitifully crowded, he protected me with his loose body. From then on, he fell in love with him. I am like this. I always love those impossible things. The more hopeless I am, the more burning my feelings, such as online love and cousin. When you can’t tell whether a man loves you or not, you will take your own body as an experiment. A man with love will have sex with you, love each other, love secrets; A Man Without Love will have sex with you, he only cared about himself. Once he tried it, he knew that his cousin didn’t love anyone. He only loved his millions of gold coins! Simao, that was my sad place. In that small frontier city, although I released myself, burned myself, indulged myself in my first affair, until I broke up with Asong, I returned to Yuxi with an empty bag. I have been there once for eight years. It was because my cousin got married. When I saw Plum Lake, I endured it and didn’t let myself cry. This year, my cousin moved here with her husband. I think, that small town would disappear in my view. When I lightly dial the guitar, I don’t know who else can I think? When I am alone, I will listen to the melancholy saxophone, smoke Moore cigarettes, I am a lonely woman who can smoke. I was thinking that if I told any man all this in this life, this man could still hold me in his arms. This man was the one I was going to marry. Now I say everything here, thank God, thank you for the beauty of the online world, I can’t see the expressions of visitors. Er, the one in white and black pants sneakers, don’t go. Hey, it’s you. Why are you stunned? What are you in a hurry, I don’t want to lend you your shoulder and chest, just please pass me the napkin at your hand. After saying these, I have already burst into tears! The little man could support the boat in his belly, and the one who finally married me was gold. Like all princes and princesses in fairy tales, we finally live happily together after experiencing hardships and hardships. We are not Prince Charming, Snow White, but poor and full of happiness, gently alive. Now he is beside me. He is the little man who coaxed me to sleep every night. In July this year, when I was 36 years old, I changed from a naive girl who was not familiar with the world to a mature woman who was calm in the world. The pain during this period was still vivid in my mind, such as unhappy childhood, my mother’s affair, the failure of senior high school, when I was a young girl, my unrequited love and incomplete family were mixed with all kinds of anxiety about the dark future even in those years when I fell in love with Jin. Looking back, I was so helpless at that time, it is so sad again. If possible, if possible, I will definitely walk over today, light a candle for her, and point her in a bright and happy direction, I know this kind of thought is somewhat narcissistic, but it shows how much a growing person needs a mentor, a group of helpful friends and a glimmer of light. In 2000, I finally got married. Marriage was a destination for me. I needed to escape from my parents’ family. I felt that it was not a home, but a shackle! Two years later, he gave birth to a son, then he smashed into the ocean of life and lived the most ordinary life. Walking on the street and in the crowd, I was the most ordinary kind, the most common nobody. In such a season of falling autumn leaves, the sky is high, the clouds are light, and the wind is light. With this treasure land of Feng Shui, I shake off the things hidden in my heart. Please don’t mind if you pass, after reading it, do what you should do. The vibrant spring is waiting for you ahead. Postscript: This article must be the most difficult one. Hard writing and hard life. I hope this tough woman can pass by. Wind is nothing, rain, it’s nothing. Crying is life, and laughing is life. Smile, be colorful, close the door and cry in the quilt. In the morning when the sun rises, get up, cook, eat enough, live well! Zhongjiang Yan 2008 nian 8 yue (Editor in charge: gardenia blossoms) Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the 30th year of my WeChat era The year before last, my eunuch planned to buy a smartphone for him on his birthday. The main purpose was to teach them how to play WeChat, and let them… Comments on the Chinese version of “worry-free grocery store” Everyone moves towards a better life through his own efforts. The answer to the consultation letter is just encouraging an existing… An emotional diary of a Christian (January 14, 2018) January 14, 2018: Today, the temperature in Wujiang is relatively warm, not as cold as a few days ago. Yesterday and Today, Wu Jiang’s… Be a person who never stops growing up Teacher Lily coughed with a strong nasal tone when she was in yoga class. 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