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[Introduction] in real life, I am neither pessimistic nor lonely. I just stay at home and have less communication with the outside world. Sometimes I think that once life becomes a habit, I am very afraid.

The curtain of 2010 fell with the bell of 2011. In the new year and on the new day, I stayed in the dormitory for a whole day. Except for eating in the canteen, I spent the rest of my time sitting in front of the computer. Many people went out for a walk, but I just sat quietly, thinking that loneliness would disappear with time. However, after a long time, I became more and more lonely. The past year has left me too much emotion, such as life is not going well, career is not going well, and emotional confinement. Five months after graduation, the work can be handled, but occasionally there are some bad times, but it is basically a small matter, and then it will be gone. When I just came out to work, sometimes I was confused and fell into a dead end of myself. Another sentence occurred to me: why the rope was not broken. There is always a causal relationship in everything. Maybe my understanding of life is not thorough enough. In the past year, many plans have not been completed, and now they cannot be completed. I always told myself to work hard and hard, but in the end, everything was greatly reduced. Many years have passed. Facing the childhood dreams, I always feel that they are getting farther and farther. Dreams in childhood will always become the pain of older people. Most of what I wrote in all the diaries were the loneliness and unhappiness of life. There is almost nothing about work. I always can’t write it, or sometimes I write something and delete it. I always feel that I don’t know how to talk about it. In real life, I am neither pessimistic nor lonely. I just stay at home and have less communication with the outside world. Sometimes I think that once life becomes a habit, I am very afraid. Good habits are also terrible, and bad habits are also terrible. If the habit is too good, it will become a mechanical life; If the habit is too bad, people will fall. It’s not bad, it’s OK. Since last middle October, I have not written logs in QQ space. As time passes, I will not write logs, and my brain will gradually become dull. For the pursuit of ideal, it always confuses the center, sometimes it always finds some excuses for oneself to evade, and the nature of laziness comes out again. In the new year, I still need to continue to work hard for my ideal.

[Responsible editor: yi er]]

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