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Lonely

[Introduction] when it is fragile, the fragile factors are always stimulated together and flooded out of control. I think of the lonely alley that I walked alone in recent days, which is dim. In recent days, in the battle with blood and tears, I have heard of carsickness, seasickness and airsickness, and I feel that this kind of thing is far away from me. However, only after truly experiencing this miserable experience can we know how profound it is. Yes. Carsick. But also train! I can’t remember when I got carsick last time, maybe five or six years old. I vaguely remember that I was on my way to see my aunt with my uncle. My stomach felt uncomfortable when I got on the bus, but somehow I shouted to eat ice cream. At that time, I thought ice cream was a magical and luxurious thing. I finally lost it after taking a few bites. Finally spit. Uncle brought plum and orange. Maybe I took care of it properly, but the impression of carsickness was blurred. There is no sequelae. After more than ten years, I felt carsick again, but I felt terrible. Everything seems normal before getting on the train. The train went south for half a day, but there was nothing unusual on the way. Until the evening, after crossing the Yangtze River, I began to have a stomachache, which was extremely uncomfortable. I don’t have any medicine. According to what the pharmacist said, looking for the acupuncture points under the knees and pressing them, it will gradually become better. I made a bowl of noodles at nearly six o’clock. Shibuzhiwei. I just remembered that I hadn’t eaten anything in a day and only drank two bottles of milk. In a daze, I woke up and slept. I didn’t know when and where I had been. When I woke up, I thought it was already early in the morning, but unexpectedly it was only 22:30. I drank some water, read a few pages of books, and then turned to shallow sleep. However, this time I was not as confused as before and turned sober after several seconds. Like in a dream. Only feel uncomfortable. It seems that all organs in the abdomen are going to be crushed and hollowed out, and the spirit is in panic and almost despair. The rumbling sound of the friction between the train and the rail in the ear vaguely came from a distant place, but it came into the ear heavily. Hitting the broken fragile nerve one by one, it seemed to be the accelerator of the internal grinder. I vaguely knew that I was so sad that I wanted to roll, and I was eager to lie on my soft bed at this moment. Maybe I just want the train to stop at this time. But in the narrow space, I couldn’t lie down and had no strength to stand up. The stomach is also rolling to join in the fun. I want to vomit but can’t spit it out. I want to cry but feel so sad that I don’t even have time to cry, and there is no tears to shed. I always felt uncomfortable, and the shaking car made my head dizzy. Suddenly I was afraid, but I wanted to be sober but felt that my spirit was still in a free state. The clamor was completely out of control. In an instant, a word flashed in my mind: the form and spirit are all gone. I think I will die like this. Is it possible to be free. At that time, I wanted to give up the struggle, so I just fainted. But in the next moment, I became greedy again, unwilling to be disillusioned. When you are a little sober, raise your hand and gently touch your forehead, then you will know that you have a layer of cold sweat. The touch is cold. I gradually realized that the clothes had been soaked, and the whole person must be as embarrassed as if he had gotten out of the water. The whole body is cold, and the cold permeated from the bottom of my heart. The car was still shaking constantly, the stomach was still rolling constantly, and the cold sweat kept seeping out of the pores. Air-conditioning shrouded body. Different from the cold and biting winter. The coldness in the winter is the invasion from outside to inside, while the coldness at this moment is completely from the bottom of the heart, gradually spreading outward and soaking. It cools itself and then freezes the surrounding air. It seems that I have been isolated from this world and can’t feel any temperature around. I don’t know how much the temperature in the air is. I just feel that the cold weather in winter is not terrible. Because people at that time were still warm. Right? The disgusting feeling has never disappeared from the beginning. I can’t lie down and feel uncomfortable when sitting. I should stand up and let my breath be normal. Holding the edge of the chair, he stood up steadily, but the sense of dizziness tended to increase, and he dared not to sit down any more. Holding the chair for a while, I looked at the watch, and it was nearly early morning. Almost all the passengers around are sleeping. Move to the washroom. Fortunately, the seat is not far from the washroom. Otherwise, I really don’t know how to get through the crowded passengers. Until entering the bathroom, the discomfort of tumbling stomach remained. The face in the mirror was gaunt, and the lips were even pale with no blood color. I was immediately shocked by myself. Head light against the wall waiting for Vertigo diminuendo. For a long time not Hui-Shen. I don’t know how long it took, the sudden knock on the door woke me up. When I opened the door, I saw a man’s enlarged face. He said that he had been in for a long time and asked if there was something wrong. Smiling and saying nothing, he moved back to his seat. But I was so tired that I couldn’t even afford a book. Slip in the seat. The cold sweat on my body has not stopped yet. Wrapped coat. The thoughts are complex and free. When it is fragile, the factors of vulnerability are always stimulated together, which are rampant. I think of the lonely alley that I walked alone in recent days, which is dim. In recent days, the battle was full of blood and tears, and the real and fake bitter tricks were both physically and mentally Haggard and exhausted. This is why! How much compromise, what you get, and what you lose. Even if the whole body retreated, it was just branded with the ridiculous word. Whether the dilemma we are about to face is a dilemma. Should go from here. The car was still shaking and slowly heading south. Discomfort still. Abdominal emptiness is more uncomfortable but I can’t eat anything. Neither dare to fall asleep nor fall asleep. Even if it’s just sleep. I am afraid that I am confused and helpless in the muddle. Next time, can you not let me go alone?

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