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Grandmother

The Midnight Wind knocked on the half-closed window. I curled up on the sofa, half asleep and half awake. In a trance, I heard your sorrowful cry coming through the vast river of forget. You called my breast name, but I wanted to promise you so much, but I couldn’t say anything. Grandma, did you miss me? I can feel your sadness when I think I am the most painful. You life raised 4 children, my mother is your youngest daughter, from I sensible love you have been by my side, memory of that in mom and dad always fighting a lot, every time I hid in your arms and cried, you cursed mother loudly, and mother also complained loudly that you married her into the Great Ravine and didn’t come out. I have hated my mother since then. I don’t like to call her or go to my uncle’s and aunt’s home. I think they abandoned you. Although you take me with you every day, but I always don’t have dinner with my parents. I sleep with you every night, and my mom and dad sleep with my brother. How did you live in my uncle’s house? I don’t know until now, and I don’t want to know either. Grandma, I don’t want to know too many cruel and ruthless things. Am I very timid? I’m afraid I can’t afford it. I still remember that every time you wash your hair, you have to burn a pile of straw ash first, then put the straw ash into the water basin, stir it well and then clarify, saying that your hair is black and bright after washing, every time when I was in school, you would fry a pancake for me. At that time, it was very luxurious, which made many partners jealous that I had a good grandmother. During the Spring Festival that year, my third uncle was chased to the cliff and fell to death for stealing other people’s things. After the funeral, my third uncle and aunt all came to my house, after talking for a long time, I complained that you didn’t have the ability to marry a wife for my third uncle to make such a mess. You didn’t argue, and you sat in front of the stove and kept wiping your tears, I drove them out with a broom, and my mother scolded I am dead girl who was ignorant. You don’t eat or drink for three days, and become thinner and thinner. Mom and Dad were also anxious, so they invited barefoot doctors to help you see a doctor. I pulled your skinny hands tightly and cried. You didn’t look at me, but your eyes were very empty, like a bodhisattva in a ruined temple. Later, you forgot the world and no longer knew anyone. You had a bad temper. If anyone passes by my door, you will chase and beat me with a pole. Even if I sleep next to you, you will pinch me hard. Grandma, since then, you have forgotten me. Every time the family prepared the meal, you would pour firewood or pigmented water into the rice cooker when we didn’t pay attention. When there was no way, mom sent you to two aunts, but it didn’t take long to be sent back. I felt sad when I saw your face empty. I can’t get close to your story, Grandma, I can’t help your sadness. At that time, I am so helpless. Later, I didn’t live with you any more. I went to school thirty miles away and could only go home once a week. You didn’t get well after you got sick that time, sleeping on a wooden bed was as angry as gossips. I took a leave home guarding you, but 3 days later with a very important competition I must attend, I kiss your forehead let you when I come back, you also already obvious nodded, I helped you clean your face before leaving, but you didn’t wait for me to come back. When I hurried home, you had closed your eyes forever. You slept on the door panel in a brand new blue shirt and shoes, with your hands pulled into fists and your face covered with a curtain of fire paper, my white hair trembled in the smoky mourning hall. I called you grandma, Grandma, open your eyes and look at me. My uncle and aunt shuttled back and forth in front of the mourning hall. I kneeled in front of you for a whole night. When my aunt came to pull me, I grabbed her hand and took a bite fiercely, I didn’t let go until my mother slapped me twice. My Big Uncle said that this dead girl was going crazy. Now, I can’t help crying when I think of these things. Grandma, I haven’t dreamed about you for many years since you left for 18 years. What happened today? I really heard your sad cry. Are you calling my name? Why don’t you trust me? Grandma, if there is reincarnation, you should be happy. You have experienced so many sufferings and hardships. If there is no reincarnation, then you have been with Grandpa and your third uncle now, is it happy? Missing is like a spark of beans, Grandma, in the midnight before the Dragon Boat Festival, I got up and wrote you a letter that could not be sent out, although you don’t know how to read, although you and I are separated from each other forever, Grandma, please forgive my weakness. I can only pick up the branches and leaves that you withered outside your soul and sort them out into this messy text. Grandma, I call you through the vast river of forgetfulness. Grandma, I kiss you through the vicissitudes of life.

[Editor in charge: Man Tree]]

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